Friday, December 24th, 2004 Subject: Chocolate milk makes me feel really full. Time: 2:22 pm. Mood: awake. Well the roads and everything are somewhat better today, but since i live in BFE, it's still almost impossible for any vehicles other than HUGE trucks to travel. sigh. I am soooooooooooooo tired of being here! I mean, yeah it's nice to spend some time with family since it's Christmas and everything (aawwwwww how sweet), but there's a difference between some time and EVERY WAKING MOMENT OF THE LAST THREE DAYS.. heh. Yeah. I'm ready to go somewhere. Ooh.... telly....tis Jenn.....so I'ma go. lol. Comments: Add Your Own. Thursday, December 23rd, 2004 Subject: Your tears felt like acid when they touched my skin. Time: 1:18 am. Mood: mellow. The snow is gorgeous, but has completely trapped us inside the house. Literally. Our doors are frozen shut, and aside from that, the amount of snowfall combined with the huge drifts from the wind have TOTALLY covered my car. Like.... You can't see that it's a car. It's just a huge snow lump.. lol. I do love the snow, though. It's so amazingly pretty... specially living out here where the roads NEVER get scraped and no cars can make it to drive, so it's just pure, untouched white for a few days. I love it. I dunno. I don't really have much to say, I am just bored and stuck awake. I'm actually kinda tired, but just don't feel like goin to bed yet. Odd, I know. So I'm trying to decide what I wanna do for spring break. I know Jenn and I are going out of town right after christmas (for new years), but spring break is totally different. I could do what my mom wants, and stay here to help out with everything... oooooooorrr I could go do something fun. I'll actually prolly just stay here and do what I want in moderation. I don't even really care much. blah blah blah. I AM SO BORED!! I can't remember the last time I was this restless and such. Hmm. I had a dream about Andy last night. I really wish I'd hear back from him, just to know he received my letter. I'm sure his dad sent it, cause he seemed really genuine about the whole idea, but I dunno. I just haven't been able to stop thinking about andy since his mom passed away and everything. I hope he's doing alright. He is a really good person and I don't think he sees that. I dunno. I'm just looking forward to him coming home this summer so we can be friends again. It's so cold in here, I think I might cry. No, not really. I am feeling quite dandy. Brittney put me in the best mood ever today... lol. She's so special. I hope her birthday was alright. hmmmmmmmmmmmmm I need to sleep. Comments: Add Your Own. Monday, November 1st, 2004 Subject: Emotional vacancy. Time: 9:00 pm. Mood: vindicated.. I collapse onto the tile and watch nickel-sized red drops spot the bland design of my floor. How in the fuck did I get here? Alone, fighting the air trying to reach me. I don't want this skin- i want to see it tear and rip and fucking SLICE until there's nothing but honesty and bones left. I'm so tired of being numb from wanting to feel. the door's locked and I cry as i defeat myself. You'd never see this for what it is. I need to be knocked out, away from myself, before i see how lost and divided i am. Do you even fucking see me? you've lost me. scarred and fucking loving it. I'm helpless and sunken into nothing and so far away from what should be. Never fucking again. not another fucking smile for a lie. This dim light seems overwhelming and my head is caving in from the screaming coming from inside me. My heart's a fucking joke, and you'll never embrace this. disappeared with only the past as a home. FEELINGS MEAN NOTHING- yet all i wanted was redemption- compassion, truth, understanding. fucking lies. just a joke. Another reason to bleed for you, to bleed this fucking yearning out. scrape off the good intentions. take this charred and bloody smile as a fucking gift. You'll never have me- i'm gone. I can sit back and admire my destruction. Hug my head to my knees and let my last ounce of faith drop down to the painted fucking floor. game over. Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own. Thursday, October 28th, 2004 Subject: Perfect for you. Time: 7:53 am. Mood: cynical. I've been changin' but you'll never see me now Now I'm blaming you for everything No more holding it in How many years can I pretend Nothing never goes the way it should No more sitting in this place Hoping you might see it my way Cause I don't think you ever understood That what I'm looking for are the answers To why these questions never go away I'm so far away I've been changing, but you'll never see me now I'm so far away Now I'm blaming you for everything No more waiting for the end Of every day that I will spend Wishing that I only had a choice No more pushing you away Cause I will be busy watching things going my way Never looking back on this anymore Because what I'm looking for are the answers To why these questions never go away I'm so far away I've been changing, but you'll never see me now I'm so far away Now I'm blaming you for everything I've been changing but you'll never see me now Now I'm blaming you for everything I'm so far away Hey watch me wave Goodbye to yesterday Nothing left in my way Hey I've been saved With sun shining on my pain Getting me through this day Hey watch me wave Goodbye to yesterday Nothing left in my way Feels so good to say I'm so far away I've been changing, but you'll never see me now I'm so far away Now I'm blaming you for everything Now I'm blaming you I'm so far away Comments: Add Your Own. Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 Subject: ((the only thing...)) Time: 7:13 am. Mood: contemplative. I'm scared of doing something I regret, AGAIN, and not being able to take it back. Comments: Add Your Own.

LiveJournal for your_explosion. View: User Info. View: Friends. View: Calendar. View: Memories. You're looking at the latest 5 entries.